Ten Men and a Movie: Black Dahlia

While some people were out helping the terrorists win, two of the Ten took in Black Dahlia over the weekend. Our take? Not really a good movie, but alternately strange, bizarre, violent and frustrating. Don't let the title fool you – this is really a movie about the relationship between 2 LAPD detectives in the 1940’s and the woman they shared (or maybe just spooned with; the relationships aren't always that clear) . To be honest, we still don’t know what to make of it, but we do know one thing: this movie represents the happiest three minutes in KD Lang’s life. (If you've already seen it, you'll know what we mean).

As for the tone of the movie- not quite Film Noir, not quite a straight period piece. Remember the baby carriage rescue in the Untouchables? Now imagine that if in that scene, Kevin Costner arrived a few seconds too late and the baby carriage continued down the stairs was impaled on one of the statues in the train station. Then you’d have this movie.

Random thoughts from the movie:

• It’s a De Palma movie: shades of the Untouchables and Body Double, but here he tries to reach the level of LA Confidential and Chinatown. De Palma tries hard to capture what it was like in LA in the late 1940’s, when men were men, women wore tight sweaters, and lesbians were called ‘Lez’s’. He doesn’t quite get there. People were laughing out loud in our theater, but we’re still not sure if they were laughing at the dialogue, or if they were laughing because they had a sick sense of humor.
  
• In the middle of the movie is a dinner scene that may live on forever once this movie hits DVD and the youtubigans get ahold of it. Laugh out loud funny, but also creepy.
  
• The movie’s called “The Black Dahlia,” but to get to the Dahlia case, you sit thru a twenty minute backstory that, ultimately, was useless. It explains in full detail how the two cops came to be partners. This explanation involves police salaries, an LA proposition that asked voters to raise taxes, and a boxing match. If you like to eat popcorn during your movies, (and who doesn't?) we'd advise you to skip the long lines before the show and wait until the movie begins to go out and get your popcorn, check your messages, make some phone calls, play some video games, etc.
  
• Hilary Swank is one more HGH injection away from developing a Barry Bonds skull.
• Scarlett Johansen did not do a good job. She was clearly overmatched. This took us by surprise- she’s been good in other movies (and was great as guest host on SNL, so good we almost went out and bought our own chandelier the next day) but so far she's made her name playing young women on the verge of maturity. Is it possible she just can’t pull off playing a grown woman yet? This movie called for her to play the Kim Basinger role in LA Confidential, but it was an awkward performance lacking any confidence. Watching her fumble with her 1940’s era cigarette holder was like watching us try to eat jellybeans with chopsticks. (But she does redeem herself near the end; let’s just say there’s a scene where the story requires Woody Allens’ favorite tomato to run down a staircase in a tight sweater. De Palma, bless his heart, made sure it was a long staircase.)

Bottom line- if you’re a CSI fan or a fan of the Black Dahlia case, we don’t recommend this movie. We do recommend it if: you’re a big De Palma fan, if you have a sick sense of humor, or if you really, really like Josh Harnettt.

One last note: We saw this movie at the Boston Common theaters, which meant we had the joy of watching the Popcorn Cart Guy at work. For those of you who’ve been there, you’ll know what we're talking about. He’s the tall gangly guy who comes into the theater 20 minutes before the show starts with a loud clanking cart full of, in his words, “POP!corn …Cannnndaaaay.. Soda…”

He then stands there and raps with the crowd until the previews begin. In addition to being the deliverer of medium-sized drinks and snacks to the moviegoing masses, he gives an audience the exact running time of their feature and previews of upcoming releaes. We’ve also seen him flirt with the ladies and deftly handle the occasional heckler. He’s been there for years, and we’re big fans of his work. The recent showing of Black Dahlia was no exception.

“Ladies and gentleman, the show’s about to begin. Before I leave, let me fill you in on some upcoming releases. Next week's upcoming movies include Flyboys, Jet Li’s Fearless, and…I’m afraid to even say it…

...Jackass Two”

At which point the crowd predictably erupted into cheers. The Popcorn Cart Guy just shook his head in disgust and rolled his giant popcorn machine into the lobby. The 10:50 PM showing of “The Wicker Man” was about to begin, and somewhere inside that theater somebody needed a soda…..