Dispatch from Hollywoodland

Day 19 in Los Angeles, and we still haven’t been carjacked…

As most of you may recall, we temporarily relocated our world headquarters to Los Angeles, CA. We arrived here February 2, and we’ve been settling in ever since. (took us a while to get connected back to the Internet. Seems that when you live in the future, no one gives you a computer when you arrive at work. You’re expected to arrive with your own laptop, much like members of previous generations were expected to bring their own pens and paper to work. Who knew?)

Unfortunately, we can't tell you what we're doing here. Upon our arrival we were asked to sign a non-disclosure agreement, promising that we would not divulge much of what we see or hear while at our new gig (who knew we’d go all the way to LA, only to end up working for the Deval Patrick Transition Team).

In fact, we’re not sure we should even tell you the name of the thing we’re working on. Instead, here are some of the rumored reasons we’ve heard to explain our trip out to LA:

• We’re in LA searching for Suge Knight, so that we can get him to produce our new Folk Rap album.
  
  
• We joined a Magazine Crew, and are traveling the country selling subscriptions to Men’s Vogue and Lucky Magazine door to door.
  
  
• As part of a new law requiring every Reality Show to have at least 1 jackass contestant from Boston, we’ve been drafted and sent to LA to participate in the ‘07 round of auditions.
  
  
• It’s our annual pilgrimage to the Scientology World Headquarters.
  
  
• We’re researching the sequel to Ten Days in December, and are searching for the CEO of the Keebler Elves. (We need to act soon; a lot of folks are starting to jump on this revisionist Santa Claus bandwagon)
  
  
• A wise man once said, if you want to pursue your dream, you need to go where they do the thing you want to do. And is there anyplace with more carnies than CA?
  
  
• We had to vacate our Back Bay HQ get so they could begin construction on the new Apple Store. (we were initially bitter about leaving the area just as they finally got one of these stores, but not anymore. Here in LA, an Apple Store is as easy to find as one of those Things Remembered Stores back in MA)
  
  
• Let’s just say it's time someone brought this whole Rosie O’Donnell business to a swift and violent conclusion, once and for all.
  

So far, all is going well, although we do regret taking the Fung Wah bus out here from Boston. Trust us, next time you see a cross country bus ride advertised for only $45, remind yourself that some things are too good to be true.

Some of the highlights so far:

• Our 1st day in LA , we sit down for breakfast. Sitting behind us: Soleil Moon Frye. Yes, THE Punky Brewster. (emboldened by this 1980's celebrity sighting, we spent the rest of the weekend hoping to bump into the girl from Small Wonder, but to no avail)

• At dinner this past Saturday nite, we may or may not have sat next to Scarlett Johansson. This will devastate the littlest member of the Ten, who has a monster crush on her and anyone who just looks like her)
  
  
• But we definitely did sit next to one of the girls from Mean Girls at that same dinner.
  
  
• At breakfast Sunday morning, we were among Gina Gershon, Joanne Whaley, and the Cheerleader from Heroes.
  
  
• Driving into Fred Segal's this weekend, we had to stop the car to so that the bald kid who plays Lex Luthor could pass.
  
  
• We also had dinner with an editor from the Cartoon Network. His current gig is editing Ben 10, one of their Saturday morning cartoons. Fun guy. Like us, he was hoping to score tickets to the George Lucas session of the ongoing Museum of TV and Radio Paley Festival. “But I wasn’t going there to kiss his ass” he told us. “I was going to yell at him for the way he fucked up the last 3 movies.” But enuff with the celebrities. Want some more highlights? Keep reading:
  
  
• Getting kicked in the leg by an Australian at LAX .
  
  
• Discovering that it takes 45 minutes to drive down the block to pick up a newspaper.
  
  
• A Wookie was arrested outside the Chinese Theater on Hollwod Boulevard

Meanwhile, back home, we’ve heard it was snowing or something?



(Top Photo via Flickr)