Ten Men and a Movie: Transformers

Let's get one thing straight: you don't go to this movie expecting a great plot. Or a beautifully drawn contemplation of the human condition. Or a meditation on how the fate of giant robots, having depleted the natural resources of their home planet following an endless series of senseless wars, and who are now forced to find shelter elsewhere, but by possessing the ability to transform into objects endemic to their new environment are able to evolve into caretakers of their adopted home, perhaps suggesting that we possess within ourselves an innate ability to transform ourselves into something more in tune with and sympathetic to our natural environment, and that perhaps these giant robots, although they are themselves made of steel and hydraulic fluid, are in fact serving as a call to arms for mankind, by showing us the way forward, which is to become one with our environment by transforming into vegans. (Or maybe we’ve just been spending too much time in LA)

No, you go to see this movie for one thing and one thing only: to see 2 ton automobiles transform into 60-ton robots. (which, by the way, is entirely plausible)

By that standard, it delivered. We saw this movie about a week ago, and were blown away. As was most everyone else in the theater. Still, we deliberately waited to write this review, to allow the initial reaction to fade so that could present a more rational review. Our first reaction on leaving the theater: Wow. One week later, not so much, but it was still a good time.

Here's a good collection of clips from the movie.

The good:

• Its funny. Anthony Anderson, who we’re big fans of, was great. But so were a lot of other people, including Bernie Mac and the guy who played Shia Lebouf's father.

• A better story than we expected, with a lot of scenes and background action that seemed to be there just because they were funny. Probably because Bay convened a small group review of other screenwriters and comedians (including Patton Oswalt) to review the final draft just before filming began.

• They used the same voice for Optimus Prime that they used in the old cartoons. Nice touch. And someone actually says the line "robots in disguise."
  

• The effects were very, very good.

• The evil Dodge Charger police car was awesome. (but we were disappointed in how they rendered Optimus Prime)
  

The bad:

• Not sure if it will hold up on a second viewing. It was 2 and a half hours long, and it did drag at points.

• Scenes involving gov't knowledge of the aliens are reminiscent of Independence Day.
  

• Sets up a sequel, but we fear the concept of transforming robots from outer space might not hold up under further scrutiny or exploration.

• Megatron, the villain, was stupid looking. Looked like a giant, angry Hershey kiss.

• A couple of lapses of credibility for convenience's sakes. 100 ton robots who shake the earth with every step suddenly became light-footed when required for the sake of sustaining a plot or a gag.


• No love for Boston. As is typical these days, there's a wisecracking, beer (or "beah") loving soldier from Boston among the team of soldiers who fight the evil robots. When he's killed, nobody flinches or says a word. Yet when another one of his fellow soldiers is wounded, no less than the Secretary of Defense is seen yelling into his radio to "evacuate that man!"
  

• Because this is LA, we can't write a post without acknowledging that this is of course a racist and misogynistic movie. The person who wrote the piece just referred to is a sad, bitter little man, but we did find ourselves groaning at least once- when one of the autobots is revealed to be a jive talking robot named Jazz, who starts dancing and clapping his hands as soon as he transforms. Ugh. It's a stereotypical portrayal of a black character straight out of the 70's or 80's (If they were so intent of giving a robot a "black" or hip hop persona, we think they could have done a much more nuanced, and more credible, job.) And, of course, he's the 1st to die.
  

Some more observations:

• The Military was the biggest product placement of all. The movie showcased all the great new toys that are still coming online, such as the Osprey, (itself a transforming aircraft) and the F-22. This is also the first movie we recall seeing with A-10s.

• If the idea of Don Rumsfeld running thru the Hoover Dam shotgunning aliens appeals to you this is the movie for you.
  

• A big Bush joke in the beginning, which provoked the inevitable gales of LA laughter from the LA audience.

• Shia Labeouf is the next to Hanks. Deal with it. (but it breaks our heart to have to tell this to this guy)

One thing we really liked - the animators thought about the little things. On scene that stands out is where a truck is speeding down the highway and transforms into his giant robot self. It actually shows him struggling with his forward momentum as he transforms- his tires skid on the road as they're turned sideways , and once he's a robot, he still stumbles forward, like an ice skater trying to come to a stop. In a lazier film, we would see him as a speeding truck in one moment, then suddenly standing upright and perfectly still, ignoring the physics of his previous rate of speed. And when the robots would transform out of their disguises, the animators had them shake it off, as if they really had been cooped up for a long time.

Epilogue: If you’ve seen Transformers, you’ve probably seen the preview for that movie with no title. (1/18/08 it's being called, or Cloverfield .) Our guess: looks like an American version of the Host or D-War, but shot entirely in a camera - POV. Regardless, we’re there on 1/18/08.