Meet Grantland's New Fabulist

To believe Barnicle’s latest column on Grantland is to believe Terry Francona actually said the following:

“I used to do these by hand," he says. "Did it before all this math stuff and computers got so big. Did it without knowing it. When I managed the Phillies. Did 'em all by hand then. Would sit down with a pencil and a piece of paper and go through opposing lineups. Took forever. Now it's all on these things, computers.”

But as anyone who’s followed the Red Sox these last few years can tell you, that’s impossible. It’s more likely that what Francona really said was this:

“I used to do this stuff by hand, sure, you better believe I did. Just the other day I was talking to Pedroia. 'Pedey" I said – we talk about this stuff all the time, because I like to think Pedey’d make a great manager some day, because you know what? He’s a good kid, real hard player, but what he brings to the table is that he makes the most of what he was born with. Because of that he’s a real asset to this team and those seem to be the guys who always make great managers, like Lou Piniella, Joe Torre, or Butch Hobson; OK maybe that last one not so much but anyway, now don’t get me wrong Pedey’s a great guy but he’s just one of a great group of guys, helluva a good squad we’ve got this year, so like I told Pedey: way before all this math stuff and computers got so big, before Bill James came on board - although, I gotta tell you, that guy can run some numbers. Good guy, hard worker, makes the most of that big brain of his but if you ask me he’s a little weird - whatever you do, don’t get him started on talking about crime unless you want to spend all day hearing him crunch the numbers on the Lizzie Borden case. But he made me realize that even back in the olden days I was kinda like him in my head - I was crunching numbers without even knowing it, I did it all in my head, going back to when I managed the Phillies - had a helluva a time there, managing that club. Sure we didn’t always do so well but the group of guys in that clubhouse were among some of the best guys I ever played with. Now where was I? Right. The numbers. I did them all by hand then. Before every game the batboy would bring me a pencil and a piece of paper - let me tell you about that batboy, he was a Helluva good kid, Italian kid from one of the neighborhoods, Spider we called him, like in that Goodfellas. This kid was a short guy, not much to look at but he made the most of what he had and he brought it to the park every day. We play Philly now a few times every year and I tell you, he was still there, only now he’s the visiting clubhouse guy. I had to separate him from Manny one time back in ’04, something about Manny stiffing the clubhouse guys for their tip or something but don’t ask me- I keep that stuff inside the clubhouse and besides, Manny was a helluva a guy and one great ballplayer when he was here. Any way I'd take a pencil and paper and I'd go through opposing lineups. It took forever because all of the players in this league have something to offer you know, so anyway, it’s like I was saying, nowadays it's all on these things, computers.”