Almost Famous

A friend of ours got published in the Weekly Dig this week.

The Year in Racism, by Baratunde Thurston.

We're excited for him; we've been fans of the Dig for a while now.

Merry Xmas and Happy Holidays from the Ten Angry Men

In honor of the holiday, here are some Things That Mean Christmas to us.

• The family of 11 who decide to go over their list at the top of the escalator.

• The couple who have a fight and break up in the middle of the store (we secretly love when that happens).

• The loose children who scatter and run wild all over the store, like little fugitive Taliban trying desperately to make it across the Pakistani border.

• The bookstore filled with women chatting away on their cellphones, distractedly wandering about the store, standing in your way as they aimlessly flip thru any book on the shelf. These gals turn the simple act of trying to get to the register into a real life game of Asteroids …

• The woman who breaks out into tears inside the Victoria's Secret, because her boyfriend bought her a garment that is 3 sizes too big.

• The older lady who just cannot understand why her CVS coupon does not work in Walgreen's.

• The couple holding hands, tying up pedestrian traffic for 3 store-lengths behind them.

• The woman in the Hallmark store who insists on reading every single Xmas card and sharing it with her friend, before finally buying the first card she picked up 20 minutes ago.

• The fat guy in a hurry, who whines and moans the whole time he is in line

• The boyfriend, bleary eyed and drooling numbly out of the side of his mouth, who shuffles behind his girlfriend into every single store.

• The couple waiting in line for gift wrap, when the boyfriend suddenly asks "Why the hell are we in line for giftwrap? I thought that's what you were for."

• The sound of her slapping him across the face resonating throughout the store.

• The woman who does not close out her sale until she calls everyone she knows on her cell phone and recites everything she just bought.

• The people who, upon finally reaching the register, are surprised when the clerk asks them for money, and fumble for 10 minutes trying to find their wallet inside their purse/jacket.

• People who insist on signing up for the store credit card, a 15 minute process that ties up the register, both clerks, and a manager, all so they can save 10% on a $40 purchase that we all know will be returned anyway.

• Or the woman who needs help from all 6 of her friends to operate the ATM ("How much should I take out? How much did you take out? What's my password again? What do I do next?")

Image at the top via Drawergeeks.com (found via Kottke.org) Twice a month, graphic artists draw their takes on popular icons. Their Santa page brought us joy)

Yes Virginia , there is an Ali Bah-Humbug

Friday Night, walking down Boylston St. The sidewalks full of last minute Xmas shoppers. In front of Abe and Louie's a middle eastern man playfully chases his daughter down the street while she laughs out loud. A great, heartwarming scene.

Until her uncle comes up to us and says "What the fuck are you looking at? '''

Aaaaaaaand it's back

Service to the Ten Days in December web site has been returned. You may return to your workstations.

Day Eight: The Device.
The Resistance attempts to build the Device.

Ten Days in December - OFFLINE

Some traffic issues, should be back online by tomorrow.

The Ten Days in December – Day Seven

Attention those of you who are longtime followers of the ELF story- today features a brand new installment, due to the fact that we screwed up our math and accidentally launched one day early this year. So 2007 will be the ELEVEN days in December.

Enjoy.

Day Seven: The Fugitive

*By the way, hope you haven't been using this site to alert you to updates. It’s being updated each day over at elfliberaitonfront.com. Every day thru Xmas.

Pimpin may not be easy

But Dictatin’ certainly is.

Radar provides a review of the lavish lifestyles and habits of some of the world's most renowned dictators.

Dubbed "Li'l Kim" by political comedian Bill Maher, North Korea's tyrannical premier stands proud at five feet three inches tall, a stature that is often augmented by his most treasured accessory, platform shoes, and a clever, albeit retro-styled, pompadour/Elvis 'do. But what he lacks in height, he makes up for in libido. The notorious petite playboy has been known to recruit attractive high school girls with clear complexions from the countryside for harem-like purposes. They are apparently taught to sing and dance at the leader's private events. These "Joy Brigades," as they are called, are basically employed as sexual party favors. He is alleged to have told the male guests at one of his parties that they were entitled to any of the girls they could catch. This is purported to have turned into a scene of intoxicated older men chasing teenage girls all over Kim's seven-story "pleasure palace."

Lifestyles of the Rich and Fascists (Radar online)

One of the Ten spent the weekend in NY City

A quick trip to see New York City at Christmas time. As expected it was cool to see the city all decked out for the holidays. Even the giant, 18 ft menorahs were fantastic.

Because we live in the future, we didn't bother to take any pictures. Instead, here's a link to some other guy's NYC Xmas photo gallery on Flickr.com Enjoy.

Brush with Fame

Sunday night in NYC, we popped into the Essex House for a drink. As soon as we arrived, the crew from Fox NFL Sunday arrived and sat down at the table next to us. For the next hour, we watched the game within earshot of Jimmy Johnson, Terry Bradshaw, and Howie Long.

Did we buy them a round of drinks? No, because they were with at least 10 other producers, stat guys, and other assorted staff and cronies. Did we introduce ourselves? No, because we are complete cowards in moments like these. Instead, we just say back and listened to what they had to say as they watched the game.

Among their observations:
Jimmy Johnson: "That Rivers kid is better than Eli."
Jimmy Johnson: "You know how to build a team in today's NFL? Make sure you don’t give a contract to a bum. One bum will kill your team."
Jimmy Johnson: "You know what you gotta do if you’re drafting one of these guys out of college? These days, you’ve got to take a real good look at them. I know for a fact that Philly, when they're about to draft someone, they hire PI to follow him around for ten days."
Terry Bradshaw: "People need to wake up and realize that the Shiites are a much greater threat to Israel than the Sunnis."

Okay, so that last one didn’t come from any of the Fox guys. It was something we heard some guy yell into his cellphone while we walked home through Columbus Circle later that night.

The Ten Days in December continues

Day Two: The Meeting. Fleury the Elf attends a meeting of the Resistance

December 16. 1:00 AM
"I have just finished my 21-hour shift at Santa's Workshop. I am tired, but I am excited: there is a meeting of the Elf Resistance. Tonight!"

Read the diary at www.elfliberationfront.com. Updated daily, now until Xmas Day.

Relocate City Hall, And The Planet Dies

Of all the reasons to root against moving City hall, we never considered this one:

"Kirshen said that does not necessarily mean Menino should not build his waterfront City Hall even though it will contribute to a culture that hinders the overall fight on global warming." via the Globe's Derrick Z. Jackson

Consider yourselves warned, people of Boston.

Ten Days in December

A few years ago a journal was discovered onboard a Federal Express 747 cargo plane that landed at Seattle International Airport just after dawn on December 25th. The plane, originating from a location that FedEx officials would only describe as "up north", made an emergency landing and suffered from extensive damage. The author of this journal remains unknown. While FedEx and FAA officials downplayed the significance of the contents of this journal, representatives for The Worker's Liberation Front obtained a copy, and have released them to the public. For the next ten days, excerpts from this journal are being posted at Elf Liberation Front.com

Day One: My Name is Fleury
"My name is Fleury the Younger, son of the Fleury the Elder, son of Flavin, son of Flick the Toymaker. I am a toymaker, as was my father, and all who came before him. I make toys because I am an elf of the North Pole, and it is what we do. Ours is a miserable existence. "

Read the diary at www.elfliberationfront.com Updated daily, now until Xmas Day.

Click on the image to make it bigger...

The Mayor Walks Away From the Neighborhoods

Mayor Menino wants to build a new City Hall on the Waterfront.

We’re not excited. We'd rather see the building razed and replaced with a new City Hall at the present location. Government Center is, well, the center of government for the Commonwealth. City Hall is within walking distance of the MA State House, the MA Legislature, and the headquarters of a boatload of state and federal agencies. It is accessible by just about every mode of public transportation available.

The proposed move punishes the neighborhoods, by moving City Hall to a remote, largely inaccessible outpost populated mostly by tourists, conventioneers and white collar workers from the suburbs.

The Waterfront is a growing, vibrant beautiful new section of Boston. That's exactly why it’s the worst place for City Hall. Always popular to think that dropping a bureaucratic fortress inside a neighborhood will invigorate an area, but it never happens. The RMV, the renovated orange line station, and the new police headquarters all failed to revitalize Ruggles Square; instead, it's the expansion of Northeastern that will ultimately drive the rehabilitation of that area.

A lot of people are saying this is an ego trip for the mayor. Not sure we'd agree- the Waterfront is already part of his legacy, and anyone who's spent some time down there can't help but be excited about what's happening there. (Turns out the politicians were right all along about the new Convention Center.) What other city in the east Coast is actually growing a new downtown? Natural to expect the Mayor to be excited and want to be a part of the area, but it's a bad idea.

Relocating City Hall will have a negative effect on the Waterfront, though. Really, you think all those City Hall employees will be flocking to the new Legal Test Kitchen for lunch? Only if the LTK installed a scratch ticket vending machine inside the front door. Trust us- flooding the waterfront with thousands of wide-bodied, slow moving, underpaid, under motivated public sector folk will not do a thing to help that area.

Photo found via Sooz on Flickr.com

“Two Offices Separated by a Common Language”

The New Yorker offers a lengthy, detailed comparison between the UK and US versions of the Office.

*Yeah, yeah. We know we've been gone for a while. Trying not to call any attention it. We were working on something , but can't tell you about it yet. (No, not THAT secret project. ) Regulars to this site will recall that Christmas is a busy time here at Ten AM.

Do yourself a favor

Catch "The Lost Room" on the Sci Fi channel this week. Yeah, it looks weird at first, but we'll go out on a limb and say you won't be disappointed.