Boston's a very cold place indeed.

Here in LA, we hear a lot about how Boston still has a rep for being a racist place, a city that is "unwelcoming" to black folks (and, according to the Boston Globe, Latinos. Some urban legends just never, ever die,). Dig a little deeper, and we usually find that a lot of these stories are either a) more than 30 years old, b) told by people who've never been to Boston or c) are indeed true, but also similar to stories we’ve heard from white folks, too.

We’ve often suggested that maybe it’s not racism, but the simple fact that Boston is a very, very cold city. We don’t hate minorities per se - we just hate everybody*.

So we're interested in this new study reported on in the Wall Street Journal. They posted results of a survey that ranks the personality profiles of all 50 states

"... according to new research on the geography of personality. Based on more than 600,000 questionnaires and published in the journal Perspectives on Psychological Science, the study maps regional clusters of personality traits, then overlays state-by-state data on crime, health and economic development in search of correlations.

Massachusetts? We rank bottom 10 in extroversion, agreeableness, and conscientiousness. (But top 4 in Openness, whatever that means. If you've ever tried to get a drink after 1:30 AM, you'll know there's nothing open about Boston)

* We speak from personal experience. 8 years ago a few of the Ten ventured into a bar in South Boston: a crew of lifelong Bostonians, accompanied by the scion of a famous Southie family and, well, this is what happened...

You know you’re from Boston if…

So we were in a writer’s room the other day. We pitched a joke about General Gao's Chicken. Everyone laughed, but then one of the other writers says:

“Isn’t it General Tso’s chicken?”

To which the other writers agreed, but we dug on our heels: our whole life, it’s always been General Gao.

And then one of the writer’s directed our attention to this

Introducing Our New Recycling Program

So we're in a sketch writing class. One of our assignments is to come up w/ topical monologue jokes every week So, beginning today, we'll be posting the best of them. Enjoy.

A new poll finds that nearly six in 10 white Southern evangelicals believe torture is justified. And the other 4? Said one evangelist: “We’ll make sure they come around.”

The US military, fearing a strike by Iran, says it won’t be sending Israel any more bombs. Said a Pentagon spokesman: “Great. Now what are we going to do with three million copies of Bangkok dangerous?”

Thousands of people lost their jobs Monday in the biggest financial industry shake-up since the Great Depression. How bad is it? Said one bank CEO - “A couple more weeks of this, and we may have to worry about our bonuses.”

In an effort to skirt government censorship, Google is putting its supercomputers on an offshore ship. This new Data Barge will be about 3 tons, or roughly 1/10th the size of her sister ship, the Google Porn Frigate.

FDA is warning people not to drink powdered milk from China. Seems it’s been tainted by an unknown ingredient. And in other news, still no word on what happened to those missing Chinese Olympians, all of whom disappeared last week after failing to medal at the Olympics.

Thieves broke into the home of Director Michael Bay last week. No arrests were made, but police are on the lookout for two suspects who were seen running away from the home in super slow motion before jumping into a waiting helicopter.

Obama and Bill Clinton had lunch together last week, and we’re told Obama expressed regrets over not picking Hillary. But Bill was able to console him. “Don’t worry about it the former president told Obama. “I picked her, and I’ve regretted it ever since.”

A new study found that people will actually crave a hot drink after being given an icy stare by a stranger. This coincides with the results of another poll in which self-described rude people were found to be at a higher risk of having hot liquids thrown in their face.

When asked how the next president can help the CIA keep the US safe, CIA Director Michael Hayden said "He can do nothing.” To which President Bush relied: “No need to wait- I’m already on it. ”

Seven Years On..

Farvefignugen

It's opening Weekend, and for those of us living outside New England, it looks like we'll be stuck in Favre Country this weekend, and probably every other friggin weekend.

Meaning we missed watching the end of Tom Brady's season.

Our take? We've often wondered how Belichick would do with a different quarterback. I.e if his system was strong enuff to support a less-than-Bray QB. So we're pumped to see what happens.

And as for the hit that took him down- we didn't see the game, so we have no idea if it was legal or not. So let's turn to the experts for their analysis, the Globe's very own Bob Ryan:

“Whether it was dirty, unnecessary, or extraneous, it happened,”

Thanks for clearing that up for us, Bob.